Times of transition can be really difficult. And now, as businesses begin to open up and we start to experience what “the new normal” feels like, we’re stacking a lot of transitions on top of one another. Add into that the change of seasons and you’ve got a recipe for feeling overwhelmed, undermotivated, and undisciplined. For me, that means feeling a little bit empty, overdrawn, and out of sorts.
For some people, change is exhilarating. Building new routines and exploring new options bring them joy and vitality. If that’s you, I’m happy for you! This article may not be for you directly, but I hope it will help you understand and empathize with someone who’s feeling a little bit conflicted or down.
If you’re like me and change throws you off and the uncomfortable feeling is sometimes a little bit too much, I hope you’ll feel seen in reading this article and towards the end I offer some strategies I use that might help you find your footing more easily.
Disruption.
Disruption has been the overarching theme of the past year. And it was a specific type of disruption: one where our options were reduced or eliminated altogether. We got things taken OFF our plate. It’s easy to look around and see the emotion that some people respond to that with – anger, fear, and lashing out. In my experience, that kind of disruption is relatively easy to manage. In some ways, it feels relieving to have fewer options. However, now we’re facing a new kind of disruption: one where options are added and we have to choose between them. For me, that’s like writing when looking at a blank page: it’s nearly impossible.
The perfect illustration of this is my martial arts practice. Through the pandemic, I was doing Brazilian jiu jitsu at MassBJJ here in Arlington. We had training pods to mitigate risk which meant I could only train on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday at 7:00am. Was it ideal? Objectively, I’d say no. The decision involved however, was incredibly simple. If I’m going to do BJJ, I’m doing it at these specific times.
As Massachusetts has changed restrictions and allowed places like MassBJJ to reopen fully, I can now choose to train whenever there’s a class. I have options! I can train on Sunday at 10:00, on Friday at 6:00, and any time in between.
Objectively, that’s a much better situation. However, my experience of that situation is pretty different. I feel pressure to choose the right times to go in. I feel anxious when I walk into a class with an instructor I’ve never met before and training partners that I’ve never worked with. I bargain with myself before morning classes, “I’m feeling pretty tired, I can just take it easy now and train tonight.” All these feelings were easy to dismiss in the previous environment. Sleep in = no train.
Choices may not make it easier.
In his book The Paradox Of Choice, Barry Schwartz talks about two archetypes of decision-making: Satisficers and Maximizers. Satisficers choose the first available option that meets their needs. Maximizers choose the best option after weighing all qualities. We all play each role in different situations, but there’s one common theme. In each case, increased options do not correlate with better overall satisfaction. And here we are at the beginning of June 2021, on the heels of a year and change of upheaval in our world, and now with a whole spate of new options available to us.
It makes perfect sense to me that we’d be overwhelmed. It makes perfect sense to me that we might feel unmotivated. It makes perfect sense to me that we feel stuck.
So what can we do about it?
Here’s what you can do:
- Notice. Pay attention to how you feel. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Are you feeling extra tired? Make time to just pay attention to how you feel.
- Name it. Say it out loud. Write it down. Talk to a friend. Just that simple action of saying it to another person can make a big difference.
- Reflect on your routines. Is your sleep schedule regular? Is your eating consistent? Are you hydrated? Are you making time for physical activity/ Are you making time for mental space?
- Cut what doesn’t work. In that reflection, are there things that you know actually don’t help anything? Maybe you’re spending a lot of time on instagram right before bed (guilty!). See what would happen if you just let those things go.
- Do what does work. If going to the gym is serving you, double down on it. If taking walks with your significant other makes you feel good, make sure they know!
- Schedule the good stuff. I live in my calendar, so I’m biased. I block out the time I’m going to do the stuff that matters. Gym time? It’s in there. Writing things like this? On the calendar. Scheduling isn’t just for obligations either. Beach time? On the calendar. A walk in the woods? Block the time. One thing I’ve found is that I need to have about a 1:1 work to rest ratio. If I’m doing 90 minutes of hard, focused, intense work I need to have about 90 minutes of time to decompress and think.
- Hold yourself to the schedule (within reason). Even the best laid plans will be laid to waste without discipline. Something about what paves the road to hell. There are two things I do to hold myself to the schedule. First, I copy my day schedule from my calendar to my reminders app (so it’s obviously on my phone and computer). Filling the calendar can be passive, copying my day’s plan to another place is active and helps me plan for my day. I know what to expect. Second, I tell my wife what I’m up to that day. A 30-second calendar review actually makes a world of difference in terms of both keeping myself on track AND keeping household harmony. Some plans do change, of course, but most don’t. I’d rather plan for the majority case than resign myself to luck.
Getting Started.
I know that list is long. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, the last thing I want to do is go through all seven of those things at once. Here’s the great part though: you only do one step at a time. The best thing about little habits like this is that they add up quickly. Before you even realize it, you’ve broken that inertia and you’ll be feeling like yourself again.
Pick one of these and give it a try for a couple days. Let me know what you notice!
